“Some say that he only knows two facts about ducks, and that both of them are wrong.” -Jeremy Clarkson
We all love the Stig for his enigmatic silence, his sublime racing skill, and Jeremy Clarkson’s intros of him/it/whatever, but there is also the element that he is not quite human, but somehow more than human, giving him an aura of inexplicable je ne sais quois. This is what is so fascinating, so intriguing, and so attractive about the persona that is the white-helmeted driver we call the Stig. Where did the Stig come from? Finland? Mars? I suppose that’s what began to eat people up inside – who was this tame racing driver?
I for one, was happier never knowing if he really is confused by stairs or if his sweat really can be used to clean precious metals or if he really is allergic to the Dutch. In my mind, he was all of these and more.
Sadly, on Monday, the blogosphere was awash with his blood. His identity has been revealed, his mystery, his lifeblood, rendered obsolete.
It’s December – actually the first December for CarEnvy, and that gives us a unique opportunity: we can be more detached and objective than any other site or magazine because we haven’t driven any of the contenders here. While you might think it odd that we’re giving awards to cars we haven’t driven, you probably haven’t driven them either, and following the industry is beyond an obsession for us so we do have a good idea of what’s good, what’s bad, and what we want. We here at CarEnvy don’t have the luxury of manufacturer invites to press days, but that hasn’t stopped us yet. When the day comes for us to attend such press events, we’ll give you the perspective of the youngest, most Canadian, and most honest individuals around. Until we’re in the shoes of Jeremy, James, and Richard, you’re going to have to make do with our opinions as armchair analysts. Besides, you don’t have to drive a car to want it more than anything.
CarEnvy is about just that, lusting after gorgeous sheetmetal and intoxicating engine sounds. So we’ve decided to find you the most desirable and important cars to hit the streets in 2008 – the Cars Of The Year (COTY). This is not from the perspective of which car is the best to drive or which one handles the best, because we have little first-hand experience. This is a list of winners (and contenders) from eight separate categories based on which one we want the most. Beers were consumed and hours were spent discussing which car would make us the envy of our neighbours and which would have us nursing a semi just by sitting in the drivers seat.
The criteria are simple. The winning car in each category must
Be very desirable
Be more desirable than its competitors without regard for practicality or price (unless needed to break a tie)
Be sold in Canada in 2008 (but not if #1 and #2 are overwhelming)
Be cars. We aren’t called TruckEnvy or SUVEnvy.
Madames et Monsieurs, put your hands together for the inaugural CarEnvy COTY Awards.